A GRATEFUL Heart
Will you think I’m crazy when I confess that I’m grateful for my weight struggles? Grateful that my relationship with food was so negative that I didn’t trust myself around it? Grateful that my weight yo-yo’d up and down for years? Well I am – grateful that is (you can decide on the crazy part)!
Until recent years, I don’t remember a time where my weight was not at the FOREFRONT of almost every thought I had. No matter what else was going on in my life, almost all of my thoughts were either about losing weight, why I couldn’t lose weight, or how the hell to keep the weight off once I lost it. Now THAT thinking was CRAZY in my opinion. It took up so much of my time and energy. Even when I would throw in the towel and work to accept that I was always going to be overweight – I still thought about it.
But in the BACK of my mind – I knew that there HAD to be more to life than this. I knew that God could not have put me on this earth just to struggle. I knew that He had a greater plan than this – but it was going to take me doing some things differently. And thankfully, it was those struggles that kept me trying and trying again. I didn’t give up – I kept looking at different options – different ways of figuring this out.
And it was seriously like a WEIGHT was lifted when I realized that uncovering the thoughts that were holding me back was the answer I had been looking for. I mean hello, I had spent all those years THINKING about wanting to lose weight, how to lose it, and keeping it off – so I guess it’s not so crazy that the answers were in CHANGING MY THINKING!
And part of that change was to acknowledge the good that came from my life as a part of my emotional eating and weight struggles. I’ve met some AMAZING friends along this journey – others just like me that were either wanting to lose weight and have a healthy relationship with themselves and food or had already achieved these goals. I’ve found my passion and purpose for what I want to do in this life – help others achieve these same goals and finally be free of the mental weight holding them back – allowing them to spend their time and energy uncovering THEIR passions in life!
Because of these struggles I’ve created a healthy Amy – one that decided that she could define what healthy looks like to her – and not be weighed down by what the world told her she should be. That she could decide gratitude in ALL things was only going to open her up to MORE – not keep her stuck in a cycle she didn’t want anymore.
There’s nothing I enjoy more than watching the light bulb go off for my clients – when they realize that THEY get to define what these struggles have meant to them – that THEY hold the key to losing the weight (mentally and physically) once and for all.
Can you do it? Can you find the blessings in your struggles? I promise, it’s worth the reflection!
The timing of this blog couldn’t have been more perfect. I got on the scale this morning for this first time in over a month … first time since my 7 day long binge when my mother was unexpectedly in the hospital for a week. I have a terrible relationship with the scale. Doesn’t matter how thin or skinny I am, or how low I expect the number to be – I can put myself into a panic attack just thinking about stepping on the scale. I talked to myself all day yesterday about weighing this morning – that I’m in control of every feeling I have by changing my thoughts. The anxiety as I was stepping on the scale was overwhelming … then the number was there. Up 4.4 pounds since the last time I weighed. Step 1: what am I feeling right at that moment? DISAPPOINTMENT. Step 2: why? What thoughts are you having? I was expecting a better number because I’ve felt great this past week – happy, in tune with my mind and body, could see physical changes in my body, my clothes fit better. Then another emotion hit me – SHAME. It was physical, like a punch in the gut. I just sat down on the bed and said out loud, “okay, let’s just feel the shame. Don’t fight it, don’t try to hide from it, just feel it.” So I did. It was a physical vibration/shock/surge that ran from head to toe. Then I started trying to figure out my thoughts. It hit me – I was feeling shame because I’ve gone backwards by about a month on my weight loss journey. I put in so much work to get rid of those 4+ pounds, and here they are again. And here’s where things changed for me. Normally, I would use this as an excuse to eat whatever. And I would remind myself that I don’t have to weigh again until next Tuesday so if I eat whatever I want, I have time to “make up” for it before I weigh again. Instead, I decided to change my thoughts. It went something like this: your mother was seriously ill. She had major procedures done to save her life. So you had to eat to be present? That’s a different topic for a different day, but for now, you did what you had to do to survive. At that moment, I was grateful … grateful like I’ve never been after weighing in (even when I was my smallest ever) … because I had just put this new way of living into practice. This is the first time I’ve had negative emotions come up since I started this new journey. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness that I was able to do it! I changed my thoughts, and my emotions went from disappointment and shame to gratefulness. What more could I ask for? This just affirms that I can do this. I got up from the bed, ate my usual healthy breakfast and ran 7 miles. Amy – I’ll say it again … it wasn’t a coincidence that I happened upon your blog at 5am last week when I couldn’t sleep. I truly believe you and this program will change my life permanently. I don’t know if it’s the podcasts that are keeping me so grounded or what, but I’ll take it! Spending 30 minutes a day listening to Brooke then another 15 or 20 journaling is worth fixing my relationship with food! #noMoreExcusesToEatTheHouseDown #IGotThis #whatAnUnexpectedBreakThrough
I’m so GRATEFUL that you made the connection in that moment with your thoughts/feelings and were able to look at it from a different perspective. Changing your thoughts allowed you to choose actions that are in alignment with the results your want! Had you allowed your thoughts to continue from a place of shame – you already identified what action you WOULD’VE taken (eat whatever) and the cycle would continue. Next up – lets work on the meaning you are giving that scale number! 😉
Yes, please! Me and that scale just don’t get along! I yearn for the day I use it as a tool, merely a data point! I haven’t made it to the weight loss podcast yet … hoping it’ll touch me!